One of my professors collaborates with this tutoring/mentoring program for middle and high school kids of color. I went to one of their program workshops today. The program brought in the Superintendent of the New York State police to talk to the children. One of the parents in the room told the classroom of children that he made it a point of telling his daughters that everything they were doing was not for him or their mother, but instead of themselves. Every sucess they made was for them. It reminded me of everything my parents would continually, and still do, tell me. My parents tell me all the time that all they really wanted was for me to grow up, without ever being a criminal, and going to good college. I know I have made them proud and as I listened to this parent speak, I thought about my high school graduation. I thought about walking up to the podium, and delivering my salutatorian speech. I thought about receiving my college acceptance letters. Funny to say, the first big fat envelope I got was from Vassar and at that moment, I was happy because I was at least going somewhere. Granted, I knew I would be going somewhere. I had faith that some higher being would let things work out for me. When I think about it, even though Yale and BU were my top choices, and Columbia was a close 2nd I am actually glad that Vassar is where I ended up in the end. My acceptance here has been the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love seeing the way my mother’s face lights up when she tells me, over and over again, the story about how she told a doctor at her job that her daughter was going to Vassar and how the doctor was shocked by the mere mention of the school.
I wonder though what would have happened had I not been an upright kid. I use to think of all the things I could be out doing instead of sitting home because my parents were so overprotective. I use to wish I was one of those kids who would do real rowdy things. I remember in sixth grade when one of my friends suggested we try cigarettes. It was one of those defining moments but I did not really realize that at the time. I had agreed to it, even though I was a bit scared because my parents just have tihs way of knowing everything without my telling them. The plan was she would get some cigarettes, some binaca and we would just try it. She never did get cigarettes and I never did try smoking. Until this day I have not smoked a cigarette, a joint nor tried drugs. I wonder though what if I had?
I feel like my life would have veered off in a completely different route. See, I know myself and once I have tried something I like to intensify it and see how far I can go. I do it with alcohol. I push limits every time I drink to see how much I can really handle, and I think if I had tried smoking I probably would have gone onto drugs. It is weird to think about but I always wanted to be one of those real fc*ked up kids who could detail everything she had been through in her life. That would not have made my parents very proud though, and really I am glad I have chosen the route I have. It is not to say that people who do smoke, or do drugs are going down the wrong route…I just think that lifestyle is not for me.
